So... how are things...

It's like this... in any game you set, either consciously or sub, arbitrary goals or ideas for experiences you'd like to have while playing. Right? I don't have anymore of those. I achieved all that already.

So when I came back I said, try as hard as possible to avoid tryharding. Irony, eh. xD

It's not worth my time or effort, cuz it takes a lot out of me to play at that level for a consistently long time.

I did a CW game with my friend, his first CW the other night. I had to get 5 kills in the last 2 minutes, the last 2 kills came in the final 11 seconds, the last kill literally as the timer ran out. I was spent after that round for the night. It took a lot out of me. I don't have the motivation or desire to play like that all the time. It would burn me out by Friday if I had to play like that every round, this time around.

Just, in general, I try really hard to keep myself grounded. It's hard. I'm not great at, well, much of anything in life. But I can wreck in this game. Being able to flip it on and off is a lot better for my stress levels, not having to prove shit to anyone or step up to a bunch of tryhards and smack em down and shit.

Like, the pay league. Lords has been gutted by drama nolifers and as such, we don't even have enough people to run a team for that league. I'd love nothing more than to go in there and play janitor and mop up scrubs, particularly cuz money is nice, but what am I gonna do? Run around and recruit enough people? Galvanize the quasi-burned out folks to suit up for a serious gauntlet? Bring back a bunch of MIA guys who haven't logged in months? Shit like that.

I just try to play at my own pace, with my own prerogatives, and for my own enjoyment. Since returning 99% of my drops have been solo. I've grouped less times than you can count on one hand. Why? I don't require teammates to carry me. Wins don't matter; in fact I interact more when we are losing... I type out what went wrong tactically. I don't need others to augment my social experiences cuz I've already done enough of that with more alpha wannabes back in beta than most meet in a lifetime of gaming. I don't need to min/max every build I make cuz some aren't made to be rapists, some are doubling down on the lulz. My lulz. Fuck everything else but my lulz.

There are no books, no lessons, no teachers, no work to be done. I do almost nothing. And I love it.

 

#realtalk
Gives a lot of perspective on you as a player and a person Soy, nice post

 

I guess, it's just the way I see the game now. Everything is relative. And attitude.

If you asked me how I felt back in beta I'd say, I want to kill everyone and hoped they uninstall. Now, I worry that if a 12 man went around acting like that these days, it might actually make enough people uninstall that come tomorrow there's a chance the game will have closed up shop as a result.

Acting like a psycho cunt with a chip on the shoulder to validate to others led to DV8 cannibalizing itself, it led to Lords cannibalizing itself (that one I wasn't involved with directly but the spirit is analogous), it led to me burning out before the game even launched. Tryharding 24/7 and fronting on an entire community to keep them under thumb as if you're a wannabe Gepetto burns a lot of things. Bridges, enjoyment, PGI's patience...

I'm an abrasive asshole but I also have a conscious, sheesh.

I dunno, it is what it is. Just a game. We're just anonymous nerds on the net and I'm talkin quite vapidly, so whatever.

 

That probably summarizes so many of us "older" people with jobs and yada yada..We did have IRL meetups and LAN parties, but at the end of the day, only the people who were neighbors to begin with, were friends and stayed friends. It's good to run into folks from previous lives (read:games) on this or other games, and you kinda know "Hey, you were cool and respectful back then, it's nice to see you and a pleasure to hang once again." (or what not)

Once you sit in NYC (or any other) gridlock traffic every day, morning and evening, traveling to/from work, you might come to the realization that winning a minute or two here, and being angry at the guy that just cut you off is just pointless. Same here. Squeezing out pleasure without being angry or getting frustrated is where it's at. That doesn't make me a good player per say, but it does help me enjoy the game.

 

Yes, I try hard to do that. I try hard to stay humble and be a nice guy but also just be honest and say and do what feels right. I play a lot more liberally than before, but also, more refined. I call anyone who lrms me to death a faggot point blank in chat, but I try to be constructive, even when I'm being a dick. I used to just be a dick and say nothing constructive at all.

I like to think I've reached a transcendent attitude towards this game, in a way I've only glimpsed or fumbled in other gaming ventures, but that's extremely pretentious. Therefore, lemme phrase it all a different way...